The Ideal Husband

by Pastor Art Kohl

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Copyright © 2003-95
Permission granted to freely copy.
Scripture verses in this booklet are from the King James Holy Bible.

    "Husbands, love your wives..."
    Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives..." Colossians 3:19
    "...dwell with them according to knowledge..." 1 Peter 3:7

    When I was growing up I learned about reading ‘ritten and ‘rithmetic in school. Also thrown in were some mechanics, history, social studies, music, woodwork, etc. My dad taught me character, discipline, hard work, farming, and many other lessons. The church taught me salvation, doctrine, principles, the Christian life, and more. The Army taught me perseverance, regimentation, respect, patriotism, and a specialty. Sports taught me to have a goal, to aim high, to believe I can do it, to achieve, to work as a team, to be unselfish. It has been a great life of learning. Of course, God should receive all the glory for it.

    Then something happened. In November of 1978 I saw a girl at church that I really liked. I had never seen her there before. I was twenty one years old and she was twenty, I liked her and she liked me. We started communicating with each other, dedicated ourselves to the Lord, grew in love, and were married on September 15, 1979. Then for the first time in my life . . . I WAS A HUSBAND!

    In twenty two years, no one had taught me how to be a husband. I learned many other things, but I could not think of one word of formal training in being a husband. Girls were taught home economics in school, but nothing was offered with regards to manhood- nothing, let alone on being a husband and living the rest of my life with a woman, my wife.

    I remembered a few things my dad had said, and had his example to reflect upon, but that was all. My only recourse was to turn to the Bible, and some good old-fashioned common sense.

    Well, here I am twenty-three plus years later. I have enjoyed a wonderful marriage for which I give God and my wife the credit. It has been very enjoyable. I would wish that every man and woman could have the marriage I have had, but realistically, it takes work to make it work. I have had to learn how to be a good husband. This booklet is about what I am learning. It is designed to help you as a husband: to be a good one, an ideal one. It is designed to help me, as I am still learning.

    If you are a husband, why not be the best you can be? The key is in identifying the needs of your wife and then meeting them.

    To simplify this, I suggest in this booklet that the needs of your wife are fivefold. She has material needs, emotional needs, social needs, spiritual needs, and physical needs. By simply identifying the need and fulfilling it you will be well on the way to being a good husband.

    Let us look at your wife’s “fivefold needs” one at a time.

    Material Needs

    Without question, the Bible puts the onus upon the man of the house to be the provider. Only death or disability relieves the man of this responsibility.

    Before God ever created woman, man (Adam) already had a job (Genesis 2:8,15), knew God’s command (Genesis 2:16-17), and had an education (Genesis 2:19-20). THEN God created Eve and brought her to the man. A man should have an education, know God’s Word, and have a job before having a wife. He is then to be the provider.

    The Apostle Paul reminded the church at Thessalonica in II Thessalonians 3:8-12, “Neither did we eat any man’s bread for nought: but wrought with labour and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you: Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an example unto you to follow us. For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work; and eat their own bread.”

    One of the sharpest rebukes in Scripture is found in I Timothy 5:8, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” A man who does not provide for his own house is not as bad as an infidel, HE IS WORSE THAN AN INFIDEL! An infidel is one who has no faith in Christianity or God at all. What an indictment.

    Nowhere in the Bible does it say a woman has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel if she does not provide for her house. The man is to be the provider. In the Bible, God’s will is for the woman to be in the home, (Titus 2:4-5; I Timothy 5:14). The woman is in the home, the man is in the field (Genesis 2:8,15).

    The husband is to provide food and drink on the table, clothes and shoes on his family, money for taxes, utilities, and insurance, a home, medical needs, educational needs and transportation needs, as well as support the work of God. WHEW! What a job it is being a man. Also, a man should be sure his wife and family are provided for at death. “A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children ...” (Proverbs 13:22).

    A wife finds a great deal of security in knowing she has a hard working man who will take care of her. While you work hard at your vocation and she works hard in the home, there develops a mutual satisfaction in the relationship.

    Men should not only try to provide for the weekly needs, but the future needs. It would be prudent for a man to have a savings account with some money in it if the refrigerator malfunctions or if the car needs repair. These things will happen.

    Disabilities happen. A man, if possible, should try to provide some kind of health insurance for himself and the whole family. He should check with his employer to see if he is covered in the case of a disability.

    Death happens. Life insurance should be adequate to both pay death-related expenses and provide for the wife and children. This policy should be kept in force and be a priority expense. One prophet in II Kings 4:1-7 served Elisha and feared God but left his wife in great debt and anguish. Let us not let history repeat itself. One dear lady in our church lost her husband. He left no insurance or money for burial expenses. She entertained cremation as an option as opposed to her desire to bury him in a grave like Christ was. I answered her that God would provide, and He has, but this was a very difficult experience for her.

    Lawsuits happen. Men should be sure they have enough insurance coverage on their cars, homes, properties, businesses, etc.

    Debt should not happen. Get out of debt. Stay out of debt. Most marital misery is caused by financial strain and debt. Do things the old fashioned way by saving up for something before buying it. I can understand a mortgage for a house as long as it is equivalent to the average rental rates in your area and the payment is within your means. That would be a good investment rather than throwing money away. An outrageous mortgage payment that enslaves you for decades is not God’s will for your life. That is not faith, it is foolishness, assumption, and presumption. An unhappy mother in our church was heard to say, “You do not know how hard it is with a bunch of little kids and a mortgage.” Her mortgage was much too large for her husband’s paycheck. Later they moved out of their house and into an older, cheaper one. She is much happier now. Mortgage comes from a Latin word for “death grip.”

    Drive a simple car. Perhaps a house and a car would be the only thing I would allow in my life on which to make payments. Most livelihoods depend on a good car today. I have found that through prayer and fasting Godhas always provided adequate transportation. Before running to the bank, trust God! He might just have a vehicle for you.

    From the major things to the minor things, a man must provide for his house. With God as your helper, pray dear brother, pray about everything. Claim the promises of Philippians 4:19, Matthew 6:28-33, and Matthew 7:9-11. Read them right now. Use them in your prayer. Pray for “our daily bread” needed for your family. God answers prayer.

    Before we leave the subject of meeting our wives material needs, let me share two more important aspects:

    First, let your finances be an open book for her to see. Communication is the key to any relationship. If your wife knows how much comes in and how much must go out each week she will not question you or wonder. She might not like it, but if she sees the numbers, the numbers do not lie. Update your budget every year. Post it in your house. Pay everything by check, except perhaps food and fuel for your automobile. Keep records and update your budget every year. Know what you must put in the bank each week and do not vary. Live on the balance. This will save arguments and hidden distrust. Let all bank records, credit union records, savings accounts, and checkbooks be open for her to see. Listen to her input, she may be wiser than you in some areas. This will also help her to realize why you can not take her out to eat every week or buy her new shoes or dresses more frequently.

    Second, GIVE HER SOME MONEY! I Corinthians 7:3 says, “Let the husband render unto the wife DUE benevolence...” The word “render” means “to give away.” The word “due” means “to be under obligation.” The word “benevolence” means “charitable act of kindness, generous gift.” It is degrading to have to live in a constant state of having nothing. This is how some men keep their wives. Put your wife’s “wish-list” and “want-list” ahead of yours. Be sensitive to the things she needs before you go out and spend all the money on your hobbies, tools, sports, hunting, fishing, projects, etc. Her wants are as real as yours.

    The word “benevolence” in the text above is primarily talking about physical needs, but the ideal husband should meet her material needs. I Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, ye husbands,.... giving honour unto the wife ... that your prayers be not hindered.” Also we see in I Timothy 5:8, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

    My grandfather used to try to do one big thing on the house each year just for grandma. A house is a woman’s castle. He’s been gone almost twenty years now, but I think he knew something we should rediscover. Treat your wife like a queen, meet her material needs.

    Emotional Needs

    O ne of the saddest things that I have noticed in the ministry is to talk with a married man whose wife has just left him. She has separated or is seeking a divorce and he is frustrated. Looking at me he will say something like, “Pastor, I gave her everything she ever wanted, a nice home, clothes, car, etc. etc. etc. I do not understand why she would leave Pastor, I gave her everything she ever wanted.”

    This thought leads us to the second need that a woman has, that is, she has emotional needs that men must meet. You can be a millionaire and buy your wife things untold and leave her emotionally bankrupt. She is unfulfilled. Men, it is not enough to just meet the material needs of your wife and then conclude that your responsibility as a husband is over.

    Jesus meets all of our needs. He will meet our material needs. “If God so clothe the grass of the field . . . shall He not much more clothe you” (Matthew 6:30). Yet Jesus goes beyond that. He meets our emotional needs. He gives us joy and peace. He restores our soul, as we learn of Him, He gives rest to our souls. “Let not your hearts be troubled,” etc. Jesus meets our emotional needs. As a husband we need to meet the emotional needs of our wife. That is what this chapter discusses.

    The example of our Lord is the dictate of the Scriptures for husbands, notice — Ephesians 5:25, 28-29, 33a, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it ... So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: ... Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself ... .” We must love our wives as the Lord loved the church and we have already established that the Lord not only meets the material needs of His own, but also the emotional.

    It is a joy to be related to our Lord. It is a peaceful, loving, long-suffering, faithful, good, meek, gentle, and temperate relationship, (Galatians 5:22-23). That covers our emotions. Therefore it should be love, joy, peace, long-suffering, faithfulness, goodness, meekness, gentleness, and temperance in our marriage. Husbands, we need help.

    How are we to love our wives? We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, a selfless love! Ephesians 5:18 tells us to be filled with the Holy Spirit. When you are emptied of self and selfishness and your life is completely crucified for Christ, you can be filled with the Holy Spirit. When you are filled and controlled by the Spirit He implants in you a supernatural love. God’s love is put in you (see Romans 5:5). God’s love is an unconditional love. Just as God loves unlovely and unworthy sinners like us, so we will love all others the same way, including our wives.

    Conditional love says, “I will love you if you love me.” “I will be kind to you, if you are kind to me.” “I will serve you, if you serve me.” This type of love will not satisfy the requirements of marriage. We must love our wife regardless of the conditions. If she is tall, short, fat, skinny, average, mean, unkind, disabled, handicapped, unwise, selfish, unhappy, depressed, angry, unlovely, etc. We must love her unconditionally, for better, for worse. In sickness and in health. For richer, for poorer. To love and cherish, and forsaking all others keep ourselves only unto her as long as we both shall live.

    It is sad to see some men who are nice and love everybody else but those closest to them. Some treat their wife like a slave and have not a kind word for her. That is wrong. Love and appreciation toward the wife who serves us night and day should only increase over time.

    Biblical love, men, that is what we need. One of the most damaging things a husband will ever do to his wife is to ignore her and then become sensitive to her when he wants sex. This inconsistent affection demeans her and leads her to conclude she is only a sex object just to be used and used and used again. That is conditional love, or really, it is self-satisfying lust.

    Many women are dying inside for a compliment, some appreciation, some favorable attention. The ideal husband will provide this for her often and thus fulfill her emotional needs. A sensitive husband will make much of her cooking, cleaning, dress, looks and her work. He will make it obvious to her by his words that he notices all that she does. He will be sure to provide sympathetic understanding and sincere praise for her efforts in cooking, cleaning, yard-work, child rearing, and laundry. If she is a servant of the Lord, he will recognize this and continue to encourage her, notice all she is doing, and compliment her.

    The ideal husband will be careful how he answers her questions. When she says, “do you like my dress?” That is very important to her. Christ was known as being tender, gracious, gentle, and a compassionate friend of women. Be careful how you answer. When a woman arranges her hair, your reaction is very important to her.

    Her makeup is put on to be noticed. She sincerely wants to know your reactions to her cooking, her housekeeping, her clothes. Say it. Do not presume she knows it. I know God loves me, but I am so glad He said it in His Word. Tell your wife, say it, say it, say it!

    Be her best friend. Be her companion. Provide all the attention she needs.

    Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

    Let all your comments towards your wife be bathed in kindness. When she says, “I think I’m getting fat,” she does not want you to agree with her, she is crying for attention and unconditional love. When she asks if you like it, while eating, you may say “it’s okay,” she may interpret that as, “he does not like it,” unless you are specific.

    Women need to be held. They feel secure in the arms of a man stronger than them. This is why God made the man responsible to do this. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” The word “cleave” comes from a Hebrew word which means “to hold on to, cling to or embrace.” Why does God tell man that? Because women need it. It is a good practice for a husband to hold his wife often, hug her, put his arm around her, hold her hand, take a walk with her, rub her shoulders, etc. without any sexual expectations. Just show her physical attention. Then she will know that she is not just a sexual object to him.

    Women need to be complemented often, held often, and loved with an unconditional love. The husband who does this consistently will do much in meeting her emotional needs.

    Research on female infidelity indicates that women do not usually fall for a man who is good looking or “sexy” but for one who pays attention to her and is sensitive to her specific needs. This shows what women are really desiring. The wise husband will oblige.

    Proverbs 31:28b puts it, “... her husband ... praiseth her.”

    Social Needs

    Ahusband is out and about all day long in normal cases. During the average day, he will be in contact with between three and fifty people, depending on where he works. Some men in factories might see hundreds of people. On the other hand, his dear wife is at home by herself with the burden of children day after day.

    When the man gets home he does not want to see anybody else. He just wants to sit down and relax. The wife wants some socializing. Unless she is the classic “homebody” she is dying inside to get out once in awhile. She would love to talk to another adult. At church it is a phenomenon to see. As soon as the women walk in the door they “split” from the husband, find the nearest lady and start talking (fellowship). This is natural and happens week after week. It reveals her need for socialization.

    One of the main reasons God instituted the church is for fellowship. Acts 2:42 says, “And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine (preaching and teaching) and in fellowship (social intercourse, communion, communication) and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.” Why? Because we need each other. We need fellowship, prayer, and social interaction.

    Also, the church is to be away from our house. Notice the insight into life back in the first century in I Corinthians 14:35, “And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home ... .” Women were not forbidden to fellowship at church, but they were forbidden to preach in this chapter. The point I want to make is this, the church and the home were two different places. There are other important reasons for having the church, but one is to commune with people of like faith and practice and draw strength from each other, and to be encouraged. Hebrews 3:13 says, “But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.” Women need encouragement too. Women can teach each other subjects that men cannot. For example Titus 2:3-5 says, “The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Christian fellowship can help your wife become a better Christian, wife, and mother. Therefore, go to church regularly. Encourage your wife in the faith.

    Conversely, there is a danger if the husband does not meet the social needs of his wife. These needs in her can lead to ungodly behavior. Instead of going to church for social interaction, she may go to the neighbors, or into the work force. This often steals the affection of a wife from her husband. I Timothy 5:13 warns, “And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.” Then verse 15 adds, “For some are already turned aside after Satan.”

    A good husband will see this temptation, be aware of it, and provide his wife with adequate social opportunities with other Christian women, mostly through church attendance. Even at church a husband may have to steer his wife away from ladies who are ungodly.

    As a pastor, I have noticed that we have far better attendance at our Mother-Daughter Banquet each year than we do at our Father-Son Banquet. We have far more at our Secret Sisters’ dinners than we do at a men’s breakfast. In fact, we have more women in church every time the doors are open than we have men. Every church is like that- why? Because men socialize everyday at work, but women do not. Remember that men. Be wise. Provide your wife with Christian socialization.

    Another important principle to remember is to keep dating your wife. Keep romance in your marriage. Do not let her think, “He always took me places and bought me things but now we do not go anywhere or do anything.” Get a baby-sitter and once a week, or at least twice a month, take your wife out on a date. Get her away from everything. Spend a night in a motel with her. Go for a walk or bike ride with her. Have a picnic with her. Buy supper (pizza, chicken, whatever) so she does not have to cook. Do the dishes, set the table, help serve the meal. Get your own coffee. Go out with her. Enjoy being with her after you are married as much as you did before you were married.

    When you do date your wife, make this special for her. Do the things she wants to do, whatever makes her happy, even if you do not particularly care about it. Make it her night. This will make her feel like a queen, like she is special to you. It will help fulfill her social needs also.

    Remember, you are out all day long, she is not. The good husband will recognize that and meet her social needs.

    Spiritual Needs

    The most important need of the whole human race is a spiritual need. This includes your wife. A good husband will not be near sighted and only consider the temporal needs of his wife that we have discussed earlier in this booklet. He will make as his highest priority the spiritual needs of his wife. He will recognize that there is a part of her that is eternal.

    “While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (II Corinthians 4:18). The ideal husband will want, wish, and work above all things to meet the spiritual needs of his wife.

    First, if his wife is not saved, that will be his first endeavor. He will not divorce her, or leave her if she is pleased to dwell with him, for the Bible says in I Corinthians 7:12-16, “How knowest thou, O man whether thou shalt save thy wife?” He will pray for her and claim the promise of Acts 16:31, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved and thy house.”

    Then, if his wife is saved, he will try to be as knowledgeable about the Bible as he can. God wants you to be the leader, the head of the wife. “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (I Corinthians 11:3). "Have we not power to lead about ... a wife ...?” (I Corinthians 9:5).

    Ephesians 5:23-25 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” Why should we love our wives this way? What is the goal? What is the product desired? The next two verses tell why — “That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing: but that it should be holy and without blemish.”

    It is a spiritual reason. So our wives might be sanctified, washed, and cleansed. So they might appear before God without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. That they might be Holy and without blemish. This is why we should love our wives. This is why we should be spiritual leaders. To get them ready to meet Christ.

    Even if you were saved after your wife, pursue the knowledge of God. Seek to know more about God and the Bible than your wife does. Aim at being “the Answer Man” of the house when it comes to spiritual things. I Corinthians 14:35 says, “And if they (wives) will learn anything (at church), let them ask their husbands at home ... .” Men should have the answers for their wives’ spiritual questions.

    How can you do this? By being spiritual. Start by being spiritually minded. “For to be carnally (fleshly, worldly) minded is death; but to be SPIRITUALLY MINDED is life and peace” (Romans 8:6). “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2). “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness ...” (Matthew 6:33). You must put God before your wife. “And every one that hath forsaken houses ... or wife ... for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.” (Matthew 19:29). Jesus must be your first love. “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love (Jesus)” (Revelation 2:4). You must pray daily and often to be filled with the Holy Spirit — “... how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?” (Luke 11:13). Then the Holy Spirit fills us, changes us, controls us, and equips us for service for God, including how to be a good husband. He will help you. Yield to the Holy Spirit. Pray everyday that God will make you into the best husband you can be. Accept instruction and cooperate with God humbly as He changes you.

    When you are filled with the Holy Spirit, God then implants His love in you. “... the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost ... .” Romans 5:5, and your capacity to love rises from the natural to the supernatural. As a result your wife receives more love than you could ever give her naturally, because God is doing it through you. There is no time when your love “levels off.” It can continue to increase and abound — “And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another ... .” (I Thessalonians 3:12). I would stress, It is the Lord who does this through you. You will treat your wife right and appreciate her more and more.

    When someone knows they are loved, they will gladly follow that person in spiritual things. If someone knows their pastor loves them, they will follow him. If a wife knows her husband loves her, she will follow his spiritual leadership. Men, we must determine to be the spiritual leaders of our families. We cannot ignore it, or shirk it. It is our responsibility. We will give an account at the Judgment Seat. Set out from this moment to meet the spiritual needs of your wife and children. Walk with God each moment of each day. Have family devotions together, and be in church every time the doors are open.

    Do not say you cannot, with God’s help you can. “I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).

    (Get started on family devotions. It is easy. See your pastor if you need ideas.)

    Physical Needs

    In the Beginning:

    Genesis 1:27 – God created male and female.

    Genesis 1:28 – Commanded them to be fruitful and multiply (which requires a sexual union).

    Genesis 1:31 – God saw that everything he created was very good, which included sex.

    In Genesis 2, we see in greater detail the creation. There was only one thing that God saw that was not good, Genesis 2:18 – it was not good that man should be alone. So God created woman.

    Genesis 2:24-25 – God institutes marriage, the family. One woman for one man for one lifetime. (Divorce was introduced because of the hardness of man’s heart, study Mark 10:1-9.)

    We learn 3 lessons from this portion of scripture in Genesis:

    One, the man has the responsibility to leave (forsake, abandon) his parents for his wife. Two, the husband is to cleave to his wife (bonded together). Three, they shall be one flesh, refers to a sexual relationship only inside of marriage. The phrase “two shall be one flesh” includes sexual intercourse (see I Corinthians 6:15-16).

    So then, because God ordained and created sex inside marriage to be very good, where did the thought that sex was dirty or sinful come from? In Genesis 2:25, the man and his wife were naked and not ashamed. In God’s perfect plan it was pure and holy.

    Then in Genesis 3:1-6 we see the fall of man into sin. What was the first thing they noticed in Genesis 3:7 after they sinned? When the word “naked” is used in Genesis 3 it is not the same word used in Genesis 2. In Chapter 2 it was pure and holy, but here in Genesis 3 verses 7, 10 and 11, naked is used as a word that is dirty or sinful or vulgar. Adam became afraid of God because he was naked, in verse 10. Notice carefully God’s question in verse 11. Meditate on it. Only two people talked to Adam and Eve in the Garden — God and the serpent. So who do you think put in the mind of man that nakedness and sex inside of marriage are dirty? Satan!

    Many people think God is a dictator trying to ruin our fun and hold out on us from having a good time. This is the lie the devil inspired Eve to believe at the beginning, (Genesis 3:4-5). The world continues to believe this lie so they resent God’s counsel and say, “I’ll become a Christian, but first of all I want to have some fun!” God created sex not primarily for reproduction, but for pleasure!

    Examine these 3 scriptures:

    1. Proverbs 5:18-19, be ravished always with her love.

    2. Deuteronomy 24:5, (the Law), a one year honeymoon to cheer up your wife.

    3. I Corinthians 7:3-5, only fasting should be allowed to come between a husband and wife’s sexual life. Only with mutual consent, and only for a relatively short period of time, and only for a specific reason.

    The Mystery Of Sex And What It Represents:

    Ephesians 5:31-32, shows the intimate relationship between Christ and His church (bride). Study the Book of the Song of Solomon. Notice the intimacy. Sex becomes very holy in the light of this text.

    The Responsibilities Of Sex

    Nakedness Is Condemned – Leviticus 18:6-19, in every form. The only place that nakedness is ever condoned in the Bible is between a man and his wife in Genesis 2:25. The bedroom is undefiled only in marriage, Hebrews 13:4. But notice God’s commandment to women in the Bible for being dressed modestly, I Timothy 2:9. Even men should not promote nakedness in public (notice Leviticus 18:7,14), this is not legalism, it is HOLINESS.

    Adultery Is Condemned – Leviticus 18:20; 20:10, Matthew 5:27-28.

    Homosexuality Is Condemned – Leviticus 18:22, Gen. 19.

    Beastiality Is Condemned – Leviticus 18:23.

    Incest Is Condemned – Leviticus 20:11-21.

    Fornication Is Condemned – II Timothy 2:22, I Corinthians 10:8. Definition, a sexual act between unmarried persons. Also study — Proverbs 2:16-19; 5:3-11; 6:23-35; 7:4-27; 9:13-18.

    How to be successful in your sexual life when you are married:

    Take care of your body, because after you are married it does not belong to you – I Corinthians 7:4.

    Be in shape for your wife. Remember your body belongs to your wife – Ephesians 5:29.

    Exercise discipline and character in every phase of your life especially in thought life and around those of the opposite sex. Practice old-fashioned propriety and self-control – II Corinthians 10:5.

    Transform the mind – Romans 12:2. Reprogram it to have proper Biblical attitudes towards sex, and not those portrayed by TV, media, Playboy, videos, internet, music, etc. The most difficult sex organ to control is the human mind.

    Husbands must realize that their wife has been created by God as a sexual creature as much as the man is. She has sexual needs and needs to be fulfilled. This is the husbands obligation as we have already seen in these Bible verses.

    One report I read, stated that seventy four percent of married women resort to self-stimulation because they are sexually unfulfilled by their husbands in marriage. Their very real needs are overlooked or ignored by their husband. This means that three out of four married men have failed to fulfill their wives’ physical needs.

    Communication with your wife in this intimate area is usually all that is needed to correct the problem. This is a very private area in life, but a pastor or friend can lend confidential advice. There are also some books that have been written by some Christian authors that can lead both husband and wife into satisfaction without having to sort through the wicked perversion of the world. See your pastor for help in acquiring some helpful books.

    True love “doth not behave itself unseemly” (I Corinthians 13:5). The word unseemly refers to perversion and unnatural affection. There should be no perversion in the sexual lives of Christian married couples. Unfortunately this pastor has had to deal with this in some people in counseling over the years. This should be repented of and forsaken.

    Pray about this intimate area of your life as well as all other areas. God wants to bless it and use it to help avoid the temptation of being unfaithful. Adultery and fornication can be avoided for a whole lifetime if both find satisfaction in the marriage.

    Keep romance in your marriage as long as you live. Remember your wife needs to be held, hugged, kissed, and told often that you love her. Communication with her will tell you how often she needs sexual satisfaction. Isaac was caught “sporting” with Rebekah his wife after they had been married for fifty years! May that be your testimony too.

    My wife called my attention to a survey about husbands and wives. They were asked to list the top twenty physical things they liked to do with each other. Number one for the men was sex. That ranked number fourteen for the ladies, even behind gardening.

    Your wife will love it if you will do many romantic nonsexual things with her. Activities like biking, walk

    ing, going to the park, watching a sunset, going to a restaurant, shopping, letting her choose a vacation spot, etc.

    Another survey asked married women, “Which would you choose — a year of great sexual fulfillment with your husband or $10,000.00?” Every wife surveyed choose the money.

    12 Responsibilities of Every Husband Toward His Wife

    From The Old Testament:

    1. Cleave To Her – Geneses 2:24. Cleave means to “embrace, hold on to.”

    2. Praise Her – Proverbs 31:28. Compliment her often concerning her person and her works.

    3. Desire Her – Ezekiel 24:16-18. “The desire of thine eyes.” Only have eyes for her. Do not covet another wife (Exodus 20:17).

    4. Cheer Her Up – Deuteronomy 24:5.

    From The New Testament:

    5. Love Her – Ephesians 5:25. Not with a limited human love but with a divine love.

    6. Nourish Her – Ephesians 5:29. Take care of her physical needs.

    7. Cherish Her – Ephesians 5:29. Cherish means “to warm, to brood over, to foster.” The same word is used in I Thessalonians 2:7.

    8. Lead Her – I Corinthians 9:5. Do not drive, lead!

    9. Honor Her – I Peter 3:7. Honor means to hold up in high esteem. Do not treat her like a slave or waitress. Treat her like a Queen or Princess.

    10. Satisfy Her – I Corinthians 7:4-5. Satisfy the physical need of your wife. Keep romance in your marriage.

    11. Pay Her – I Corinthians 7:3. “Benevolence Fund.” Put her needs and wants alongside or above yours. Give her some money.

    12. Head Her – Ephesians 5:23. Anything with two heads is a monster. Be a good guide of the marriage and family. Be a leader and example.

    Have a great marriage, it can be done with God's help!

    - Pastor Art Kohl (February 14, 2003)

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